There are many people who do not know what is important to them. They just grapple in dark lane of life, waffle on many issues without deciding or taking any stand on them. But if we want deepest fulfillment of life then we have to decide many things and do what is important to us in this life. However we never decide to take action and have no clear idea as to how to take action. We differ to take action and or we have tough time to make decision about that. Why? Because all decisions making comes down to value clarification. We are never clear about what is important to us. Decision making becomes kind of torture. But this is not true for those who have clear idea of their highest principles of their lives. Values are like personal compass which guides our lives through all kind of hazards and perils.
Recognization and power comes to those who submerge their action with their philosophies. Those who have grasp over their own values and live by them; they are admired and respected universally. Every human being, belonging to what ever culture is embodied with some integrity and value which change according to right or wrong perceptions we bring in. They continually change depending upon the impact of circumstances and situations experienced by him. Also there is always a clash between personal values and universal values. Every time a value is born, human existence takes on a new meaning. We must realize that direction of our lives is controlled by magnetic pull of our values. They are force within us consistently leading us to make decisions that create our direction and destiny.
We have to understand ourselves before we understand values. Values are something that we hold dear. Those that we hold dear are called individual life values and the one that are followed by religions, nations, communities, cultures, organizations and companies universally are called universal life values. It is fact that within a nation there is constant shift going on within the values of culture as a whole. We have to learn from this that in our personal and professional lives, we have to be clear about what is important in our lives and we have to live by those values no matter what happens. This is possible only when we know what our values are. There are two types of values. One is called “end” and another is called “means”. For some family is value which is an end and for some money is value which is called means. But actually it is just an emotional state of mind which we desire to experience continuously in our lives.
Many people are not able to differentiate between ends and means and hence they experience pain in their lives. They are so busy pursuing mean values; they overlook their end values. They achieve means but miss out on end values thus living unfulfilled life. The end values are those that fulfill and make our lives rich and rewarding.
There are many human values but some core values through which we derive pleasure are
Abundance, Comfort, Commitment, Compassion, Cooperation, Fairness, Faith, Family, Fidelity, Freedom, Gratitude, Happiness, Health, Honesty, Hygiene, Impartiality, Integrity, Love, Loyalty, Peace, Philanthropy, Power, Purity, Respect, Sacrifice, Sharing, Success, Simplicity, Spirituality, Sympathy, Teamwork, Trust, Truth, Wealth, Wisdom.
Some of the values may be part of us and some may not be. There are some which are not list here. Any way, it is probably that we value some of them more than others and try to achieve it. There is also hierarchy to these values as they are more important then others depending our emotional state of mind. Remember these values are part of our character hence we should be more concerned about our character then our reputation because our character is what we really are and reputation is merely what others think we are.
Whatever our values, they affect direction of life. We have to learn that some values give us pleasure than others. What makes difference is to get the sense of control over them as controlling them brings control over decision making process. It helps draw focus on all our actions. It shapes with whom we will have relationships and what we will do within the relationship and how we will live with them. Values bring consistency in our relationship.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES OF SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS
There are some fundamental techniques required to make people like you and win their heart. If we follow these rules then the whole world is with you. The first rule is to develop ability to speak well because these words will make their way to the people’s heart. Never criticize, condemn or complain about a person. Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Begin criticism with sincere praise. Give attention to people's mistakes indirectly. Admitting one's own mistakes - even when one hasn't corrected them, this can help convince somebody to change his behavior. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Use praise instead of criticism. Abilities decline and become weak under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.
Some of the things most people want in their life include 1. Health and the preservation of life. 2. Food. 3. Sleep. 4. Money and the things money will buy. 5. Life in the hereafter. 6. Sexual gratification. 7. The well-being of our children and 8. The feeling of importance. All these desires can be gratified except last one and that is, “A feeling of importance or getting appreciated and loved.” Always make the other person feel important. The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature and the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. It is this urge that differentiates us from the animals. It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself. This appreciation should be sincere without any flattery. Flattery is shallow, selfish and insincere and will not work with discerning people. He who can do this has the whole world with him.
To make good impression, the first act is to smile at people. This smile should be genuine and should come from the bottom of the heart. We should not fear being misunderstood but should fix in our mind firmly what we would like to do. Preserve a right mental attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer after that every sincere prayer gets answered. Our smile is a messenger of our good will which brightens the lives of all who see it. Our smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Especially when someone is under pressure, a smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless – that there is joy in the world.
Let us remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. People like to be remembered by their names. Some of the things which make people like us are the fact that people are not interested in us. They are interested in themselves. If we are genuinely interested in any person, attention to the person who is speaking to us is very important. Nothing else is as flattering as that. This is also a secret of successful interview. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. People prefer to listen to those who talk about what interests them. Talking in terms of the other person's interests pays off for both parties.
Our way of thinking is the only way to win the people. First rule is we must avoid arguments. We can't win an argument. Suppose we triumph over the other man and prove that he is wrong. We will feel fine but we have made him feel inferior. We may achieve a victory we will never get his good will. We must show sympathetic desire to see the other person's viewpoint. Listen first. Give our opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Look for areas of agreement. Dwell first on the points and areas on which we agree. Promise to think over your opponents' ideas and study them carefully. Our opponents may be right. Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem. Apologize for your mistakes. Admit it if we are wrong. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness. We will never get into trouble by admitting that we may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong. If we know positively that a person is wrong, and we bluntly tell him or her so, what happens? We create our immediate enemy. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong." Always adopt friendly, sympathetic, appreciative approach and we can win any arguments. Gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force. The friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily. Most of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
Some times it is important to allow other person to save his face. It is very important. We ride very rough over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person's pride. Whereas a few minutes' thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person's attitude, would go so far toward easing the sting! Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Nagging is the deadliest. It always destroys and kills conjugal marital life. Does all this nagging and scolding and raging changes a person? Yes. It certainly changes his attitude toward his wife. Because it makes a person regret his unfortunate marriage and it makes him avoid her presence as much as possible. It brings nothing but tragedy into their lives and destroys all that they cherished most. So, if we want to keep our home life happy, never nag. Success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the right person; it is also a matter of being the right person. Never interfere in their way of being happy themselves. Don’t try to change each other. Let them have their own private lives. Refrain from domestic criticism. Be considerate. Men should express their appreciation of a woman's effort to look well and dress well too. All men never realize that women are profoundly interested in clothes.
If a woman is to find happiness at all in her husband, she is to find it in his appreciation, and devotion. If that appreciation and devotion is genuine, there is the answer to his happiness also. Too many men underestimate the value of small, everyday attentions like reciprocating wife's waving good-bye to her husband when he goes to work in the morning and by remembering birthdays and anniversaries. Love passes through these small little things. Let us not neglect it. Rudeness is the cancer that devours love. Everyone knows this, yet it's notorious that we are more polite to strangers than we are to our own relatives. Courtesy is very important to marriage. We must shed our workaday troubles before we enter our homes. Many psychologist say failure in marriage occurs due to four reasons and these reasons are sexual maladjustments or incompatibilities, difference of opinion due to spending of leisure hours, financial difficulties and mental, physical and emotional abnormalities.
In a nutshell, values guide our decisions and so guide our lives and destiny. Those who know their values and live by them become leaders of our society. It is our commitment to values which make us exemplified individuals.
Some of the things most people want in their life include 1. Health and the preservation of life. 2. Food. 3. Sleep. 4. Money and the things money will buy. 5. Life in the hereafter. 6. Sexual gratification. 7. The well-being of our children and 8. The feeling of importance. All these desires can be gratified except last one and that is, “A feeling of importance or getting appreciated and loved.” Always make the other person feel important. The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature and the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. It is this urge that differentiates us from the animals. It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself. This appreciation should be sincere without any flattery. Flattery is shallow, selfish and insincere and will not work with discerning people. He who can do this has the whole world with him.
To make good impression, the first act is to smile at people. This smile should be genuine and should come from the bottom of the heart. We should not fear being misunderstood but should fix in our mind firmly what we would like to do. Preserve a right mental attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer after that every sincere prayer gets answered. Our smile is a messenger of our good will which brightens the lives of all who see it. Our smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Especially when someone is under pressure, a smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless – that there is joy in the world.
Let us remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. People like to be remembered by their names. Some of the things which make people like us are the fact that people are not interested in us. They are interested in themselves. If we are genuinely interested in any person, attention to the person who is speaking to us is very important. Nothing else is as flattering as that. This is also a secret of successful interview. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. People prefer to listen to those who talk about what interests them. Talking in terms of the other person's interests pays off for both parties.
Our way of thinking is the only way to win the people. First rule is we must avoid arguments. We can't win an argument. Suppose we triumph over the other man and prove that he is wrong. We will feel fine but we have made him feel inferior. We may achieve a victory we will never get his good will. We must show sympathetic desire to see the other person's viewpoint. Listen first. Give our opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Look for areas of agreement. Dwell first on the points and areas on which we agree. Promise to think over your opponents' ideas and study them carefully. Our opponents may be right. Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem. Apologize for your mistakes. Admit it if we are wrong. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness. We will never get into trouble by admitting that we may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong. If we know positively that a person is wrong, and we bluntly tell him or her so, what happens? We create our immediate enemy. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong." Always adopt friendly, sympathetic, appreciative approach and we can win any arguments. Gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force. The friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily. Most of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
Some times it is important to allow other person to save his face. It is very important. We ride very rough over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person's pride. Whereas a few minutes' thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person's attitude, would go so far toward easing the sting! Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Nagging is the deadliest. It always destroys and kills conjugal marital life. Does all this nagging and scolding and raging changes a person? Yes. It certainly changes his attitude toward his wife. Because it makes a person regret his unfortunate marriage and it makes him avoid her presence as much as possible. It brings nothing but tragedy into their lives and destroys all that they cherished most. So, if we want to keep our home life happy, never nag. Success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the right person; it is also a matter of being the right person. Never interfere in their way of being happy themselves. Don’t try to change each other. Let them have their own private lives. Refrain from domestic criticism. Be considerate. Men should express their appreciation of a woman's effort to look well and dress well too. All men never realize that women are profoundly interested in clothes.
If a woman is to find happiness at all in her husband, she is to find it in his appreciation, and devotion. If that appreciation and devotion is genuine, there is the answer to his happiness also. Too many men underestimate the value of small, everyday attentions like reciprocating wife's waving good-bye to her husband when he goes to work in the morning and by remembering birthdays and anniversaries. Love passes through these small little things. Let us not neglect it. Rudeness is the cancer that devours love. Everyone knows this, yet it's notorious that we are more polite to strangers than we are to our own relatives. Courtesy is very important to marriage. We must shed our workaday troubles before we enter our homes. Many psychologist say failure in marriage occurs due to four reasons and these reasons are sexual maladjustments or incompatibilities, difference of opinion due to spending of leisure hours, financial difficulties and mental, physical and emotional abnormalities.
In a nutshell, values guide our decisions and so guide our lives and destiny. Those who know their values and live by them become leaders of our society. It is our commitment to values which make us exemplified individuals.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
FUNDAMENTAL RULES OF SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS
Those who believe that they have reached a dead end in their relationship are actually at the perfect point to turn things around. Whether you're struggling with a relationship stalemate or concerned about your long-distance relationship, can learn how to make up, stay together, and move forward toward real and lasting love. Development of relation takes place if some rules of relationship are followed.
The first golden rule of successful relationship is to accept the values and rules of the people with whom we share a relationship. The values include commitment of trust, love and care for each other. Every person has his own rules with whom we intimately involve which makes up their identity. It is also true that in some cases these rules will clash. If the rules of other persons are broken consistently, it brings stress in the relationship. Knowing other persons rules will ward off the danger of these clashes in advance.
The second golden rule is relationship is always demanding. There the subjects have to give each other rather than take from each other. If we decide to go into the relationship then we have to make ourselves ready to face challenge of giving rather than taking. If we are going into relationship expecting anything then this would work out against us.
The third golden rule is to look for signals. We have to look out for these signals in relationship, which have to be tackled immediately otherwise things may go out of hand. These signals are resistance, resentment, rejection and repression. The solution to these phases is communication between partners. Avoid confrontation at any cost. Talk in terms of preferences.
The fourth golden rule is to make relationship highest priority of life. Gradually other priorities which are not that urgent will give way to emotional intensity simply because we do not want to loose the relationship. This is power of relationship.
The fifth golden rule is to focus on how to make this relationship better each day rather then ending it. This rule is for married couple. If we want relationship to last then don’t ever threaten the relationship itself by saying if you do that then I am leaving. These statements create destabilizing fears. No matter how hurt or angry we feel, never to question if the relationship will last.
The sixth golden rule is to re-associate with what we love about a person. We have to reinforce feeling of connection and privilege of sharing life with the person we love. This pleasure should be felt intensely.
Apart from following these golden rules, we also have to learn the skill to handle people. It is very easy to make people like you and win their hearts but we cannot win them to our way of thinking. We can win them only by their way of thinking. It needs skill and understanding of psychology of the people to change them without giving offense and without arousing resentment.
The first golden rule of successful relationship is to accept the values and rules of the people with whom we share a relationship. The values include commitment of trust, love and care for each other. Every person has his own rules with whom we intimately involve which makes up their identity. It is also true that in some cases these rules will clash. If the rules of other persons are broken consistently, it brings stress in the relationship. Knowing other persons rules will ward off the danger of these clashes in advance.
The second golden rule is relationship is always demanding. There the subjects have to give each other rather than take from each other. If we decide to go into the relationship then we have to make ourselves ready to face challenge of giving rather than taking. If we are going into relationship expecting anything then this would work out against us.
The third golden rule is to look for signals. We have to look out for these signals in relationship, which have to be tackled immediately otherwise things may go out of hand. These signals are resistance, resentment, rejection and repression. The solution to these phases is communication between partners. Avoid confrontation at any cost. Talk in terms of preferences.
The fourth golden rule is to make relationship highest priority of life. Gradually other priorities which are not that urgent will give way to emotional intensity simply because we do not want to loose the relationship. This is power of relationship.
The fifth golden rule is to focus on how to make this relationship better each day rather then ending it. This rule is for married couple. If we want relationship to last then don’t ever threaten the relationship itself by saying if you do that then I am leaving. These statements create destabilizing fears. No matter how hurt or angry we feel, never to question if the relationship will last.
The sixth golden rule is to re-associate with what we love about a person. We have to reinforce feeling of connection and privilege of sharing life with the person we love. This pleasure should be felt intensely.
Apart from following these golden rules, we also have to learn the skill to handle people. It is very easy to make people like you and win their hearts but we cannot win them to our way of thinking. We can win them only by their way of thinking. It needs skill and understanding of psychology of the people to change them without giving offense and without arousing resentment.
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