Rules are like devices that trigger our emotions. We humans though have different rules for same values, they bring great impact on our lives. This impact is kind of a pain or pleasure that affects our lives. In fact we have several ways to feel bad but few ways to feel good.
Some times it is due to religious and cultural conditioning these rules get created and some times we create them to feel successful or would get motivated to work hard for achieving something in life.
Why do we impose such rules? There are several reasons and one such reason is we throughout the day observe people who touch our lives through set of rules. Most of them don’t even know our rules and we never express it to them. In spite of that we wish people to know them and comply with it. If they don’t then we start carrying hard emotions for ourselves and likely to carry hard emotions for others. It is important to communicate these rules subtly without upsetting anybody because it is difficult to expect people to know about the rules. If they are not known to other people, they get easily violated and may create misunderstanding. If we see somebody breaking them we get upset. We don’t feel good.
Before we set rules we have to check if they are empowering us to feel good. If it is difficult to meet the criteria of the rules, they will disempower our lives. If we cannot control them they will again disempower our lives. If we feel more bad than more good then again they are disempowering rules.
Hence rules should be such that they would move us in direction of human values, using criteria which we can control and which are achievable. If they are unachievable, they become non starters, a burden and unacceptable to others. If we are making rules of expecting perfection from family members and others; it is impossible to meet such rule. It is unachievable as nobody is perfect in this world. We cannot control actions and emotions of other people. Also such rule brings unpleasantness and upsets everybody.
It is very easy to set rules then to move away from them, once they start controlling our lives as well as our destiny. Therefore it is better we start scrutinizing them for their ability to bring success in our life. It is never too late to check them than blindly adapting them through beliefs. As rules generate behavior pattern, all we have to do is to create system of evaluating and controlling these rules, if they are achievable and they bring happiness in our lives. Happiness comes with achievement of goal and this happiness brings better treatment to our friends, colleagues and pals. These rules can be called personal rules.
Today everybody is living stressful life specially woman in our society. Not only do they have to have perfect body, they have to take care of their husband, children, parents, relatives and friends and that too perfectly. Same is also expected of men of our society. There are also rules which are agreed by human society in general like if I want health I must not smoke. If I want happiness in relation with my wife or husband then I must not have extra marital affairs. There are some rules which are never violated because of shear pain associated with it. But some rules though we should not break, we violate it again and again because we never treat them seriously. Because we assume so many things in lives.
Rules can give environment which is needed to be successful in life. They can motivate us to grow and expand in our life. What is required is balance between personal rules and never to be violated rules in appropriate context. If we don’t know the rules we may sooner or later violate them but if we observe people and understand their rules then we can predict their behavior and meet their needs. The most empowering rule is to enjoy the life no matter what happens.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
RULES SOURCE OF PAIN AND PLEASURE
Human nature is to keep expectation. If they are met then we feel good but if they are not met then we are left unhappy. We all human being keep infinite range of emotions and each emotion responds to the beliefs we keep. Expectation is also one kind of emotion. People get excited and become emotional with each expectation they keep within their belief range. We also obsessively track theses expectation for their fulfillment. We crave for them as a thing of very scarce nature, but never look around for other things which are kind of miracle that happen with us every day.
Once these expectations are met we start framing rules, rules supported by beliefs and strengthened by experience we get. Experience is nothing but interpretation of controlling forces of our beliefs. What we believe we experience and once we experience, we try to make rule in order to occur a thing in a particular way. But if the thing does not happen in a way we desire or the way that makes us feel good then we start getting pain. We then say that the happening was not as per our expectation.
What has to happen in order for us to feel good? I would say, nothing has to happen in order for us to feel good. It is we who ask the brain to create a response or to change the biochemistry of our nervous system that causes us to feel that particular sensation called pleasure. It is our rule that say, if I get million dollars, I will feel good. If I get mail from my beloved, I will feel good. If I get four grade points in my final examination, I will feel good.
For every situation we try to establish rules and standard that would make us act in a particular way. But these rules have a base of belief that determines our emotions and behaviors to what is good and what is bad. What is important and what is not. This behavior is what is called rules. To discover these rules the easiest way is to put questions and judge response getting generated in our brain. We may ask our selves “what has to happen if I quit a job and join a new one”. “How should people react if they hear I have quit the job and joined new company?” Some may say we should become emotional while leaving the job. On the Other hand people would say, “No emotionality should be there, because if I am quitting the job, it is my decision. People would forget me the second day”
These rules activate our pain or pleasure. We become judge and jury within ourselves. We alone stage a miniature court within our brain and become judge and jury by ourselves. Those who break our set of rule become culprit and are damned for going against them without any say. Though we are hard wired to create judge and jury system, we have to assess each situation rationally.
Rules are like shortcut to responses that are generated by brain. They control every aspect of our lives. But the greatest dilemma is to generate perfect response matching the situation. Dilemma is due to judge and jury system that overplays in our mind. We set up these rules in a random style by influences to which we are exposed. These influences bring new values that shape our lives. We develop matching beliefs to achieve these values and very often abandon, twist and generalize old rules. These new rules which are in direct conflict with old rules will resist against them as they grow up. Thus some times they reward us and some times they punish us.
Most of us create rules which are unsuitable in defining success, security, making relationship or anything that bring change in our lives. Since everything in our lives is presided by this judge and jury system, it hurts our current life. That is the reason; we are what we are in our lives.
Once these expectations are met we start framing rules, rules supported by beliefs and strengthened by experience we get. Experience is nothing but interpretation of controlling forces of our beliefs. What we believe we experience and once we experience, we try to make rule in order to occur a thing in a particular way. But if the thing does not happen in a way we desire or the way that makes us feel good then we start getting pain. We then say that the happening was not as per our expectation.
What has to happen in order for us to feel good? I would say, nothing has to happen in order for us to feel good. It is we who ask the brain to create a response or to change the biochemistry of our nervous system that causes us to feel that particular sensation called pleasure. It is our rule that say, if I get million dollars, I will feel good. If I get mail from my beloved, I will feel good. If I get four grade points in my final examination, I will feel good.
For every situation we try to establish rules and standard that would make us act in a particular way. But these rules have a base of belief that determines our emotions and behaviors to what is good and what is bad. What is important and what is not. This behavior is what is called rules. To discover these rules the easiest way is to put questions and judge response getting generated in our brain. We may ask our selves “what has to happen if I quit a job and join a new one”. “How should people react if they hear I have quit the job and joined new company?” Some may say we should become emotional while leaving the job. On the Other hand people would say, “No emotionality should be there, because if I am quitting the job, it is my decision. People would forget me the second day”
These rules activate our pain or pleasure. We become judge and jury within ourselves. We alone stage a miniature court within our brain and become judge and jury by ourselves. Those who break our set of rule become culprit and are damned for going against them without any say. Though we are hard wired to create judge and jury system, we have to assess each situation rationally.
Rules are like shortcut to responses that are generated by brain. They control every aspect of our lives. But the greatest dilemma is to generate perfect response matching the situation. Dilemma is due to judge and jury system that overplays in our mind. We set up these rules in a random style by influences to which we are exposed. These influences bring new values that shape our lives. We develop matching beliefs to achieve these values and very often abandon, twist and generalize old rules. These new rules which are in direct conflict with old rules will resist against them as they grow up. Thus some times they reward us and some times they punish us.
Most of us create rules which are unsuitable in defining success, security, making relationship or anything that bring change in our lives. Since everything in our lives is presided by this judge and jury system, it hurts our current life. That is the reason; we are what we are in our lives.
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