Human nature is to keep expectation. If they are met then we feel good but if they are not met then we are left unhappy. We all human being keep infinite range of emotions and each emotion responds to the beliefs we keep. Expectation is also one kind of emotion. People get excited and become emotional with each expectation they keep within their belief range. We also obsessively track theses expectation for their fulfillment. We crave for them as a thing of very scarce nature, but never look around for other things which are kind of miracle that happen with us every day.
Once these expectations are met we start framing rules, rules supported by beliefs and strengthened by experience we get. Experience is nothing but interpretation of controlling forces of our beliefs. What we believe we experience and once we experience, we try to make rule in order to occur a thing in a particular way. But if the thing does not happen in a way we desire or the way that makes us feel good then we start getting pain. We then say that the happening was not as per our expectation.
What has to happen in order for us to feel good? I would say, nothing has to happen in order for us to feel good. It is we who ask the brain to create a response or to change the biochemistry of our nervous system that causes us to feel that particular sensation called pleasure. It is our rule that say, if I get million dollars, I will feel good. If I get mail from my beloved, I will feel good. If I get four grade points in my final examination, I will feel good.
For every situation we try to establish rules and standard that would make us act in a particular way. But these rules have a base of belief that determines our emotions and behaviors to what is good and what is bad. What is important and what is not. This behavior is what is called rules. To discover these rules the easiest way is to put questions and judge response getting generated in our brain. We may ask our selves “what has to happen if I quit a job and join a new one”. “How should people react if they hear I have quit the job and joined new company?” Some may say we should become emotional while leaving the job. On the Other hand people would say, “No emotionality should be there, because if I am quitting the job, it is my decision. People would forget me the second day”
These rules activate our pain or pleasure. We become judge and jury within ourselves. We alone stage a miniature court within our brain and become judge and jury by ourselves. Those who break our set of rule become culprit and are damned for going against them without any say. Though we are hard wired to create judge and jury system, we have to assess each situation rationally.
Rules are like shortcut to responses that are generated by brain. They control every aspect of our lives. But the greatest dilemma is to generate perfect response matching the situation. Dilemma is due to judge and jury system that overplays in our mind. We set up these rules in a random style by influences to which we are exposed. These influences bring new values that shape our lives. We develop matching beliefs to achieve these values and very often abandon, twist and generalize old rules. These new rules which are in direct conflict with old rules will resist against them as they grow up. Thus some times they reward us and some times they punish us.
Most of us create rules which are unsuitable in defining success, security, making relationship or anything that bring change in our lives. Since everything in our lives is presided by this judge and jury system, it hurts our current life. That is the reason; we are what we are in our lives.
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