There are some fundamental techniques required to make people like you and win their heart. If we follow these rules then the whole world is with you. The first rule is to develop ability to speak well because these words will make their way to the people’s heart. Never criticize, condemn or complain about a person. Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Begin criticism with sincere praise. Give attention to people's mistakes indirectly. Admitting one's own mistakes - even when one hasn't corrected them, this can help convince somebody to change his behavior. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Use praise instead of criticism. Abilities decline and become weak under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.
Some of the things most people want in their life include 1. Health and the preservation of life. 2. Food. 3. Sleep. 4. Money and the things money will buy. 5. Life in the hereafter. 6. Sexual gratification. 7. The well-being of our children and 8. The feeling of importance. All these desires can be gratified except last one and that is, “A feeling of importance or getting appreciated and loved.” Always make the other person feel important. The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature and the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. It is this urge that differentiates us from the animals. It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself. This appreciation should be sincere without any flattery. Flattery is shallow, selfish and insincere and will not work with discerning people. He who can do this has the whole world with him.
To make good impression, the first act is to smile at people. This smile should be genuine and should come from the bottom of the heart. We should not fear being misunderstood but should fix in our mind firmly what we would like to do. Preserve a right mental attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer after that every sincere prayer gets answered. Our smile is a messenger of our good will which brightens the lives of all who see it. Our smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Especially when someone is under pressure, a smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless – that there is joy in the world.
Let us remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. People like to be remembered by their names. Some of the things which make people like us are the fact that people are not interested in us. They are interested in themselves. If we are genuinely interested in any person, attention to the person who is speaking to us is very important. Nothing else is as flattering as that. This is also a secret of successful interview. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. People prefer to listen to those who talk about what interests them. Talking in terms of the other person's interests pays off for both parties.
Our way of thinking is the only way to win the people. First rule is we must avoid arguments. We can't win an argument. Suppose we triumph over the other man and prove that he is wrong. We will feel fine but we have made him feel inferior. We may achieve a victory we will never get his good will. We must show sympathetic desire to see the other person's viewpoint. Listen first. Give our opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Look for areas of agreement. Dwell first on the points and areas on which we agree. Promise to think over your opponents' ideas and study them carefully. Our opponents may be right. Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem. Apologize for your mistakes. Admit it if we are wrong. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness. We will never get into trouble by admitting that we may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong. If we know positively that a person is wrong, and we bluntly tell him or her so, what happens? We create our immediate enemy. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong." Always adopt friendly, sympathetic, appreciative approach and we can win any arguments. Gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force. The friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily. Most of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
Some times it is important to allow other person to save his face. It is very important. We ride very rough over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person's pride. Whereas a few minutes' thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person's attitude, would go so far toward easing the sting! Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Nagging is the deadliest. It always destroys and kills conjugal marital life. Does all this nagging and scolding and raging changes a person? Yes. It certainly changes his attitude toward his wife. Because it makes a person regret his unfortunate marriage and it makes him avoid her presence as much as possible. It brings nothing but tragedy into their lives and destroys all that they cherished most. So, if we want to keep our home life happy, never nag. Success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the right person; it is also a matter of being the right person. Never interfere in their way of being happy themselves. Don’t try to change each other. Let them have their own private lives. Refrain from domestic criticism. Be considerate. Men should express their appreciation of a woman's effort to look well and dress well too. All men never realize that women are profoundly interested in clothes.
If a woman is to find happiness at all in her husband, she is to find it in his appreciation, and devotion. If that appreciation and devotion is genuine, there is the answer to his happiness also. Too many men underestimate the value of small, everyday attentions like reciprocating wife's waving good-bye to her husband when he goes to work in the morning and by remembering birthdays and anniversaries. Love passes through these small little things. Let us not neglect it. Rudeness is the cancer that devours love. Everyone knows this, yet it's notorious that we are more polite to strangers than we are to our own relatives. Courtesy is very important to marriage. We must shed our workaday troubles before we enter our homes. Many psychologist say failure in marriage occurs due to four reasons and these reasons are sexual maladjustments or incompatibilities, difference of opinion due to spending of leisure hours, financial difficulties and mental, physical and emotional abnormalities.
In a nutshell, values guide our decisions and so guide our lives and destiny. Those who know their values and live by them become leaders of our society. It is our commitment to values which make us exemplified individuals.
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